decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it always comes to an end.
If a cop stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
wondering why every woman is wrong until she cries, and then, viola, she is right, instantly!
Glow-in-the-dark condoms: now you see it, now you don't!
says In about 50 years from now, tombstones will read 'Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Facebook friend
If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin
I am used but in good condition
It would be some much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.
Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is going to talk back or laugh at them.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that you're not really friends with them?
a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school's pool.
I went away and came back with a cup of water..... Is that wrong?
a paper cut is a trees last revenge =)
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