I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.
I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Taking revenge is wrong… very very wrong… But very very fun…
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It’s not fair that some men should be happier than others.
A hot secretary came angrily out Of boss cabin. Her colleague asked: What Happened? You went inside in a happy mood. She replied: He asked me are you free tonight? I said absolutely free. That bastard gave me 45 pages to type!
Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet…
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Finally found out that the plant I’ve been watering isn’t real…
One of my mom’s rules growing up was never to write on walls, well apparently Facebook doesn’t have that rule.
Ah, Facebook, where it is socially acceptable to talk to a wall…
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
Laziness is my middle name.
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