Funny facebook status

1. A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
2. Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving.
   Cop: Sir have you been drinking?
   Man: No.
   Cop: Papers.
   Man: Scissors, I win!
3. Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
4. I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time: lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
5. Dear Warner Bros: Now that I’m an adult, I feel I’m am old enough to hear what the “Beep Beep” is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.
6. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
7. Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
8. Blonde and Brunette r walking on the road.brunette says “Look, a dead bird.” Blonde looks up in the sky, “WHERE, WHERE?”
9. Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
10. Scratch here – ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal today’s status?
11. Would like to congratulate their parents on having such an awesome daughter-well done! 
12. When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either